


Kyle's Boomin' Fourth of July

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [15]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, American Politics, Bad Writing, Barbecue, Beer, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Dark Comedy, Drug Use, Drugs, Fireworks, Fourth of July, Friendship, Fucking, Good Writing, Guns, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Other, Party, Partying, Patriotism, Police, Police Brutality, Porn, President Donald Trump, Recreational Drug Use, References to Drugs, Shooting Guns, Smoking, Summer, Summer Vacation, Underage Smoking, Vodka, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26085874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Kyle and The Boy's celebrate Fourth of July the best to their abilities.  All goes well until shit hits the fan...
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin' Fourth of July

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this right before this past Fourth of July. It is my favorite holiday and I wanted to predict our party.

Kyle’s Boomin Fourth of July

It was Kyle’s favorite time of year, Fourth of July. Most people he knew would claim that Christmas or Halloween was their favorite holiday, not for Kyle. Kyle was a hardcore patriot who loved America. Politics aside, Kyle thought the country itself kicked ass. Kyle also loved that July Fourth was a party holiday where people got together and boozed out. The smell of burning fireworks, the taste of a nice cold American Budwiser and a grilled hot dog, the feeling of the hot summer air and the sight of the utter beauty which was the sun going down and massive fireworks being ignited in the streets made Kyle very happy. The Fourth of July was the one time of year Kyle took very seriously, every other holiday was mere child's play compared to this. This year, Kyle made sure the boys would go all out. 

Luckily for the boys, Independence Day was supposed to fall on a Saturday. Most of the boys were off work and Jay was able to get his place available for the night. Jay got out of work at 2:00 in the afternoon, allowing him to come home and start the party early. The plan was simple, start the party during the day when Jay came back. The boys would have a backyard barbeque during the day and a full on rager at night. The boys would get the alcohol needed along with food and fireworks, which was the most important part. The day before the boys decided to take a small trip to Pennsylvania in order to get real fireworks. Unfortunately for the boys, fireworks were barely legal in their home state of New Jersey. The local grocery store sold small batches of fireworks that were so small, a toddler would be bored by them. Wanting to go all out, the boys got into Nick’s car and took a road trip to the first fireworks store they could find in Pennsylvania. Eventually ending up in Morrisville Pennsylvania at Sky King Fireworks, the boys stocked up on what they needed. Each boy got a cart and filled it to the tip with all of the big fireworks they could fit. Reigning from large Roman Candles to Fountains, the boys were set for their weekend. 

Kyle’s alarm rang at 9:00am sharp on the Fourth of July. Kyle could barely sleep since he was so excited. Kyle sat up in his bed and looked out the window. There was nothing but clear blue sky and bright sunshine, exactly what he wanted. Kyle then proceeded to pick up his phone and check the various social media accounts he had. The people he knew in Parkersville were hyped up, posting their alcohol and fireworks stashes. Kyle’s peers at school, especially the Boof Brigade were rage posting as usual about how they hate America. 

“Down with America, I stand with Isis!!” One member posted.

“Bernie would not want these festivities, if you don’t do as he says I hope you die!!” Posted another one.

“Yo imma hit da boof and put it out on the American flag!!!” A third member posted.

“How can you celebrate with so much injustice from all of us white people?! Someone please flog me for being white!!” Posted the final member.

“I told my doctor that I pissed red white and blue. He told me that it was prostate cancer so I punched him in the throat for being a dirty commie bastard. Throat punch a commie for mommie baby HAPPY FOURTH!!!” Kyle posted in response to the Communist propaganda he witnessed a minute earlier.

While the Boof Brigade attempted to roast Kyle for being a badass, they ultimately failed. Kyle got up and prepared his outfit. In preparation for the big party, Kyle wore all of his patriotic shirts in the week leading up to the Fourth of July. For the party, Kyle had a brilliant outfit picked out. First off Kyle had a pair of blue shorts covered in American flags, the real star of the show was his shirt. Kyle’s shirt had the words “Political Party” written at the top, below was a picture of all the founding fathers boozing out and partying together. Kyle’s shirt was the ultimate Independance Day party gear. Once Kyle was ready, he waited for the afternoon to arrive. 

Once it was 2:00pm, all the boys congregated at Jay’s house. Kyle picked up Malcolm and drove his Wrangler over. Gianni walked over while Nick, Mark, and Jon drove separately to the house. With everyone there the festivities started. 

“Happy fucking Fourth mother fuckers!!!” Kyle shouted.

“Yo let’s fucking go! You know I nut red white and blue!!” Mark shouted.

Jon lit the grille and started barbequing while the boys began to drink. Along with the usual vodka being poured, Budwiser was also on the menu since it was July Fourth. The boys hung out and enjoyed themselves during the day, patriotic music such as Kid Rock and Five Finger Death Punch blasted on the speakers. Once night came however, the real party started. The boys brought out the big fireworks and started lighting them off. 

“You guys are fucking morons, the cops will most definightly be called on us.” jon commented.

“Shut the fuck up you normie ass bitch!!!” Malcolm shouted back. 

The boys started lighting off the fireworks. Sounding like gunshots in the middle of the Keansburg ghetto, every car alarm went off. Their fireworks put the Macy’s Independence Day show to shame. The boys were too drunk to notice or care so they kept lighting the fireworks off. After Malcolm and Jay puked a dozen times, the boys continued their fireworks spectacle. Eventually a black SUV slowly rolled up onto the street and approached the boys. At first the boys stood waiting for the car to pass but it didn’t. Out of nowhere red white and blue lights came on. The boys realized it was a cop so they decided to run. The boys started running the other direction and noticed another cop car coming that way. One of the cops got out of the car and approached the boys. He immediately noticed Jay and went ballistic.

“Oh hell no!! No black boy is infesting my town!!” The cop shouted, firing his gun into the air.

“Fuck not again!” Nick shouted.

“Everyone into the house!” Gianni yelled.

The boys ran into Jay’s house and locked the doors. They went up into Jay’s bedroom. The boys were officially in another standoff with the police, they had to figure how to get themselves out of it. 

“God fucking damnit! Every fucking time I look foward to something it get’s completely fucked.” Kyle commented.

“I know what you mean.” Mark responded.

“This is just like the birthday party. I was looking forward to that literally weeks in advance and everything went to shit when those fuck heads showed up almost ruining everything.” 

“I got an idea.” Jay announced.

“What’s that?” Nick asked.

“Everyone grab as much fireworks as you can. We’re going to go downstairs and approach the front windows. We’re gonna open them and shoot the fireworks at the cops.” Jay explained.

“Oh bet, bouta get more kills.” Mark responded.

The boys grabbed as much fireworks as they could, then proceeded to go downstairs and light off different batches at a time. Officially in a shoot off with the police, the boys were able to burn out one of the cars and hit one of the cop’s legs. Once they were out of fireworks, the boys went through the back door and jumped the fence out. The boys ran into the woods where they hid and planned their next move.

“Alright, what’s our plan of action now?” Nick asked.

“We can call someone to pick us up and let us crash at their place for the rest of the night.” Kyle offered.

“But who?” Gianni asked.

“Yo call up Colin, he can roll up in his fucking G-Wagon and we can spend the rest of the night at his crib.” Jay said.

“That can work.” Malcolm stated.

Colin was a friend of the boys who lived in the neighboring town of Rumson. Rumson was the wealthiest town in New Jersey thus making Colin a wealthy kid. With a mansion and a house in the Hamptons, he drove around in a Mercedes G-Wagon and went to a private boarding school in upstate New York for high school. Mark called Colin up and within five minutes, he was at the end of the nature trail waiting for everyone. The boys hopped in Colin’s G-Wagon and they went to his place. 

Kyle had never been inside a house so big prior to this moment. Colin’s house was huge, it had a heated pool, a hot tub, an indoor movie theatre, and best of all, a loaded liquor cabinet filled with top notch whiskies. The boy’s opened the alcohol and went into Colin’s pool, an impromptu pool party was formed. While drinking and hanging out in the pool, listening to music, a car pulled up to the house. Out of nowhere cops swarmed the house and the boys were back at square one again. The boys ran inside Colin’s house which had a full arsenal of guns in the garage. The boys then sat inside the indoor theatre in yet another standoff with the police. It was at this time Kyle got a call.

“God dammit it’s Nancy fucking Drew again.” Kyle said frustrated.

“Damn she always calls at the worst possible times doesn’t she.” Nick commented.

“Tell me about it.” Kyle responded.

“Hey boomer!” Nancy shouted, proceeding to giggle like a moron.

“What he fuck do you need? Now’s a really bad time.” Kyle responded.

“How’s the standoff?”

“How do you know about that?”

“I tipped the cops dummy, I saw you on Snap Map.” 

“You’re such a fucking bitch.”

“Are you mad?”

“Yes very, now please hang up.” 

“Please don’t be mad.”

“Fuck off.” Kyle hung up the phone. “I tell you the kids at my school are utter cancer.” 

The boys gathered every weapon they could find and went into the garage where the G-Wagon was parked. With Colin driving, each of the boys had a gun in their hand. While the cops were waiting outside of Colin’s property, they got a scare when the boys came speeding through the barricade guns blazing out of the car windows. The cops got in their cars and started to pursue the boys on the Garden State Parkway. News helicopters flying over the chase televised the entire event. At bird's eye view, one would see a G-Wagon speeding down the highway with twelve cop cars following it. While Colin was driving, the boys had to figure out how to lose the cops.

“Oh fuck! What the fuck do we do now?!” Malcolm panicked.

“We got to somehow lose them.” Jon said.

“Yo wanna know something?” Mark asked.

“What’s that?” Kyle responded.

“When I was eleven on my birthday I turned thirteen cause FUCK TWELVE!!!” Mark shouted, grabbing a gun then shooting out the back window.

Mark took out the first half of the police convoy in his shooting spree. Going north on the parkway, the boys had no destination. Being chased by even more police cars and helicopters, Kyle made one final phone call.

“This is Trump.” President Trump answered.

“You gotta fucking pardon us again.” Kyle stated.

“Why the fuck do you idiots keep getting into trouble?” 

“Send Air Force One to Newark Airport now and pardon us, unless you want to be exposed for having Elizabeth Warren as your personal gimp.” 

“Dude these aren’t threats but fuck it, I’m in a good mood.” 

The boys drove onto the runways of Newark Airport. Waiting for them was Air Force One. The cops were told to back off and the boys ran onto the plane. In the plane was even more fine alcohol and fireworks. The pilot took the plane into the sky and flew up and down the eastern seaboard while the boys shot bottle rockets out of the windows. Once they saw the sun come up the plane landed and the boys went back to Jay’s house where they nursed their hangovers. Kyle made it his mission to make Fourth of July the best night of the year. After everything that happened, it was safe to say Kyle succeeded. 

  
  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin Fourth of July, now fuck off unpatriotic shit bags. 

  
  



End file.
